Why did I start this journey?

Ever since I was little I have been chubby. I was always compared to my both beautiful "Skinny" sisters which were also very different from me. I moved out of state to get away from the judgement and start a new life. Of course I did not work on myself but rather killed myself working all the time. I started school once they considered me a resident and then worked and went to school having no time to cook or even workout. My self esteem is low and I wish I could shop for the clothes I want and find cute but are never flattering. I have never considered myself to be materialistic but I never thought myself beautiful either which a problem.

I want to feel beautiful and be able to wear and do whatever I want. I feel like the weight has drained my energy and that I don't have time. I think that's the biggest hurtle. Time. So many years have gone by and its the same excuse over and over again. Luckily I have a job that has given me total control over my schedule and I can set some time to the side to cook and go to the gym.

Writing this down helps me motivate myself. I am not doing this to get attention, I can easily write this down on a word document but I feel like that would be selfish. People almost live on the internet and if they come across this and it helps then I would've helped another person. or maybe just annoyed the crap out of them.

I feel like we are all here to learn from each other and I would like to share this with you guys.

Thanks =D

P.S I don't go over my post and proof read before posting. I just post it once i'm done speaking my mind so sorry for any grammar errors.

See ya!

Fitness Journey continued

I Had originally scheduled 4 sessions with my trainer this week. They are 30 minute workouts 1 on 1 and the down side is that her clients are back to back. Since my excuse was that I never had time for a trainer I decided to force myself to wake up early and get it done before anything else which means.... I no longer get to sleep in. The part that sucks is that sometimes her previous clients go into my session time and i'm on a schedule so I I'm not too flexible. With that being said, I had to cancel my session because she had already gone half my time and I couldn't wait any longer. So one day of a hardcore workout did not happen, then the next day my dad calls me and tells me that he's 2 hours away from me and he has some time to spare before he has to go back home so I had to cancel that day session and the following day as well which leaves me with one session left tomorrow. Luckily my trainer let me cancel and apologized for the incident.

Though I've been working out, I have definitely tried to put a lot of protein in my diet and try to cut out the carbs. I am more conscious about what I am putting into my body and try to do my best. I have definitely upped my game with drinking 8 glasses of water per day. I have noticed that I have cut out the juices by a lot and I have completely cut out soda. I actually haven't even had a craving for it which is odd for me.

Life happens, everything won't go to plan and sometimes even work out even better. I haven't seen my dad in over a year and it may have cut into my schedule and thrown off my workout game but I was more than thrilled to have been able to see him.

Also! I forgot to pack lunch at school and had to choose between cheeseburger, pizza, or fried rice and sweet n sour chicken which isn't that great and expensive so I went with the burger and fries =[ I felt absolutely horrible to eating it and was like" Might as well eat some ice-cream while I'm at it"
I felt totally guilty doing this but I still continued. I could feel how heavy it was on my body and needed a nap soon after which really sucked. the nap turned into hibernation and I just slept the day away.

Got any fit tips? Comment down below =D

Follow me on my fitness journey

So today is December 3rd and I weigh about 270 pounds. As of right now I have worked out 5 days in a row and 4 of those were private sessions with my trainer. I have started prepping my food so i won't want to eat out. The first bulk meal I made were boiled skinless chicken breasts with a little bit of white rice, and baked red potatoes that were seasoned with garlic, pepper, salt, and then I cauliflower and broccoli to top it off. These lasted about 3 days for me (lunch, and breakfast) and for breakfast I had egg sausage sandwich. After that I cooked ground beed with vegetables (peas, green beans, and yellow corn) with a little bit of rice and some broccoli, cauliflower, and carrots. This meal has lasted 2 days so far and there was still left over meat that I'm planning to eat with mashed potatoes.

What meals do you cook? I need some recipes

Health kick- First 5k- Fitbit Blaze

For my birthday my mom bought me a fitbit Blaze which I absolutely love! In the beginning I would log all my food and my water and constantly check my heart rate. It's been 2 months now and I don't log anything anymore. I kept running into food I had no idea how to count calories for since I don't measure anything that are part of my recipes. It was also very tedious and I got tired of logging stuff. I have to say.....I gained weight since I did that -_- I had signed up for 2 5ks while I was in my health kick. 

First being the Color Run with my boyfriend which I did not train for at all and I ended up walking about 87% of it. While I was excited about the 5ks I had asked my trainer to do one with me and she agreed to do it with me. The Glorun! Yeah, i'm not actually excited for it anymore since again I have not trained and its coming up in 3 weeks. I'm close to calling it off but I'm scared since she bought her ticket and will probably be disappointed. 

I also joined a Facebook group called IIFYM for women and I see before and after pictures. These chicks have some serious will power. They count their grams to the T and i'm over here like yeaaaah... I want some tiramisu. I have never done well with discipline. I need help. 

Life Scare

Ever since I can remember I have been called fat, chubby, and even a gorilla, which I don't really get but I would get very upset when my classmates called me that in middle school. I kept telling myself I would lose weight but then a torta called my name along with some tacos. I just LOVE food.

Unfortunately my family has a history of Diabetes and heart attacks on both sides of my family so I really need to get my stuff together. 2 years ago I was warned by my Dr that I am in high risk because of my weight and medical history but of course I took it lightly. I was 19! I didn't think it would develop but now I'm starting to think that I should've made some changes. I can tell the difference in my body when I haven't had sugar or anything to eat. It's scary when I can feel my bodies response to whatever is going on internally.

I'm too afraid to go to the Dr and tell him what is going on. I would rather go back when I have lost weight and eat healthier for some time. So far I have changed my diet and walk more. I signed up for 2 5ks this year, I got a fitbit blaze, taking tai chi classes, see a personal trainer every week, and am starting to do the water infusions.

I'll keep you posted.

Any advise will be greatly appreciated =D

Catch Up

Since my last post I have participated in the Disney College program, moved into a house, got 2 new jobs, got a new dog, and accepted into the University that I wanted. Unfortunately, I have also racked up debt, found out my boyfriend has some fetishes that makes me uncomfortable, and I basically don't have a social life.

I'd like to say that I don't have time to be social but I probably watch more TV than I should. I enjoy being alone with my dogs and my boyfriend and to me, right now ,that's enough. There are days where I see a group of people just hanging out and wish I had someone to talk to but I have forgotten how to make friends. It was much easier before cell phones came alone. Now I can literally stand in an elevator with 5 other people and everybody will be staring at their phones.

I moved out of state leaving my friends and family behind to be with my boyfriend. We have had our ups and downs but I haven't regretted my decision. It helped me become more independent and learn how to survive on my own. I did not receive financial support or even talked to my family for a long time since they did not support my decision. My life since high school has been work and school. I don't have much time to relax or even spend time with my boyfriend but when I do get a moment to myself I just lay down and binge on Netflix

I've recently signed up for Tai Chi classes and hot yoga because I know I need to balance my life and my mind is always on a roll. I don't give myself a break and I am not taking care of my body. I convince myself that I don't have time to cook, buy groceries, or even clean my house. I become motivated to do things while i'm at work but once I am off I tell myself I deserve a break and end up watching 5 episodes of a show.

Does anybody else have a guilty pleasure?

Hard Work Pays Off

I know I haven't posted for awhile now. I have been crazy busy.

Remember the dream job I talked about on my "Dream Job" post . I GOT IT!!! I am actually doing the training online now but of course I got distracted. HELLO. I am on the internet, it's bound to happen.

4.0 GPA, honors program, Phi Theta Kappa, Vegas, Disneyland, and got my dream job. 2015 is basically set up perfectly for me! AND I just applied for the fall Disney College Program . I am really hoping I will get it. Ultimate dream job would be working for Disney. Hook it up if you work there ;]

I have been so appreciative lately. I looked around my room and smiled at myself. I have everything I wanted and worked hard for. I just have to keep it up. Some days I feel lazy but then I watch inspirational videos on youtube. Some of my favorite quotes today were

WE ARE THE RESULT OF OUR THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS

YOU CAN BE ANYTHING IF YOU JUST DECIDE

DO WHAT YOU LOVE AND SUCCESS WILL FOLLOW

EVERY DAY YOU WASTE IS A DAY YOU'LL NEVER GET BACK


I hope these quotes will help you as much as they did me.

Follow your dreams!! The best of things don't come easily. The most successful people are the ones that didn't give up.

Don't give up on yourself.